Lily Evans and the Trouble with Faust
by projectkeiko
Summary: In another Life, Lily was content to marry James, have a baby, and die happily ever after. In this life, Lily learns what happens when you follow the darkest desires of your heart.


Lily Evans and the Trouble with Faust

Lily stared around the seedy pub, trying to find something to distract her from the drink she was nursing. The problem was that everything around her was as unpleasant as the bitter in her glass. The tables were unwashed, and the floor unswept, and the only people around were wearing dark, tattered cloaks that were as dingy as the bar itself- which seemed to belong to the bar. Lily, in her lace-edged autumn robes and elegantly curled ginger hair, stuck out.

The evening had started out pleasantly enough. She'd gotten off of her job at the apothecary early, and had headed home to curl up with a cup of tea and a book, as was her usual custom. Unfortunately, the subject matter in said book hadn't been as dry and academic as she'd anticipated, and she ended up dropping the book in her lap and bursting into tears.

Of course, James had decided to pop by- quite literally, as he'd apparrated just next to her door and set off all of her wards- with Sirius and Peter in tow. He'd looked from her tear-streaked face to the book's title, _Alchemical Advancements in the Fourteenth and Fifteenth Centuries, _and had said, "Jeez, Lil. That time of the month?"

Lily had stood, held her head high as she swept past the guffawing boys, and sealed the apartment shut behind her. About ten minutes later, she'd decided that now would be a very good time to take up drinking. So, despite the fact that the wizarding world was in the middle of a war, and despite the fact that she was so well-known that she may as well have "mudblood" tattooed to her forehead, she headed to the Hog's Head for a pint of bitter.

Of course, no one had told her that a pint of bitter would be quite so bitter, and she was having a difficult time choking the vile concoction down. She sighed, and was about to give up and call it a night, when she spotted something that made her gasp aloud.

Finally- a pleasant sight.

No one but Lily would have thought the sight pleasant, and to Lily herself, the sight was only pleasant for a couple of blissful seconds before all of the heartbreak came flooding back to her, and settled in the pit of her stomach. For just a couple of seconds, though, she smiled as she regarded the black eyes that stared at her from the frost-pale face, under a dark hood. They were beautiful. They were relics from a happy childhood.

Then she remembered why she couldn't smile. The man who owned the eyes and the face and the hood had betrayed her, and had left her to follow those who hated her. The man had been absent when she graduated school, and when she buried her parents, another man had stood by her side.

She stopped smiling. It was time to go home.

She thought of what awaited her at home, though, and she couldn't make herself go back. Before she knew what was happening, her right hand reached out to take her glass of bitter, and she stood up. She walked over to the dark corner where the man sat, and spoke.

"I know I shouldn't, and I know you probably don't want me here, but I'd like to sit with you."

The hooded man nodded slowly. "Ok, Lily. Sit on that side of the table, by the door, and talk to me."

As if she were in a dream, Lily sat across the table, where the man had gestured, and put her drink down.

"Sev- Severus. Have you been okay?"

The man inclined his head again. "I can't complain. Are you okay?"

"Well, I guess I shouldn't complain, but I will anyway. I think the whole reason I came here tonight was to find someone to complain to. The alcohol certainly isn't helping."

"Well, Lily, alcohol usually doesn't work unless it's actually consumed." Severus nodded at the full glass.

Ah- that dry sarcasm. Lily almost felt at home, now. "They should make it less disgusting, then. Honestly, how do they sell the stuff?"

Severus groaned and shook his head. "You always were a baby. What time is it?"

Lily looked at her watch. "It's almost 11."

Severus sighed. "Nothing is happening tonight, I guess. Come on. I'll buy you something nicer, if you'll let me."

He stood and offered his hand.

In another world, perhaps Lily Evans would have shaken her head, said, 'nah, maybe that's not such a good idea,' and gone back home. She would have married James, had a baby, and died happily ever after.

But in this world, the door to the pub opened just at the right moment, and a draft of cold air blew in from the street. The breeze blew past Severus, and the old familiar scent of oil and cloves enveloped her senses. She looked up into Severus's dark, earnest eyes once more, and her resistance was weakened.

"Okay. I can't stay long, though." She took Severus's offered hand, and together they stepped into the chilly evening air, and apparated away.

#

"So then I locked James inside with his stupid friends and came here," Lily said, slurring her speech just a little. "Well, not here. The Hog's Head. You brought me here. You're right though; this caramel thing *is* much nicer."

"You can have another. You can have whatever you want." Severus said, leaning his head on his hand. His eyes were a little glazed over, but he kept them on lily as she smiled and lifted the straw to her candy apple lips once more.

"He's usually nice. He's always surprising me with presents and love letters and- but surprises get kind of tiring. He won't just sit and listen to music with me. He won't let me cook a quiet dinner at home. It's always parties and wining and dining, when he's not busy blowing up death eaters."

"So, why are you marrying him, then?" Severus asked.

"Well- he is nice. He's charming. He's a hero. He's part and parcel with the Order of the Phoenix and truth and light and everything that goes with the life I chose."

"And he's an arrogant toerag." Severus added. He turned to the bartender. "Hey, could you get me another firewhiskey, and the lady another caramel apple drizzle?"

"At least he wants me," Lily whispered to the drink, when Severus's back was turned.

Severus, however, despite the noise of the bar, heard Lily perfectly. "He's not the only one who wants you."

"No one else who mattered wanted me. The person I wanted didn't want me. I won't ever really love again."

"Hey- don't be like that." Severus turned back and took Lily's hand in his. "Anyone with eyes and a brain would want you."

Lily gazed up at Severus, her eyes wide with something like despair.

"Lily- what?"

"That's rich, coming from you," Lily spat, reverting to the working class accent from her childhood, which had almost been erased at school. "You! I know you. You think I'm disgusting- that I'm _mud_. You told me that I was scum in front of everyone. You chose _him_ over me. You hate me."

Severus stood. "Hate you? How could you say such a thing? I love you. I've loved you since we were children."

"Why are you _lying?_ Why did you even bring me here?" Lily shrieked, and then she stopped abruptly and looked around.

The bar was quiet, now. Everyone was looking at them.

Severus cleared his throat and awkwardly stepped toward the bar.

"Pardon me, but do you have any private rooms?"

The barkeeper, a skinny man of about 20, chuckled and grabbed a set of keys from behind the glitter-strewn bar. "Upstairs, to your right- room 102. There's a silencing charm, so you kids knock yourself out."

Severus caught the keys with his left hand, and held his right hand out to Lily.

Lily's cheeks were hot, as though her blood simmered just under the skin. The man hated her. He would try to destroy her. He had already broken her heart, once. She should go home to James, who adored her.

When lily later looked back on this moment, she could never tell if it was weakness or strength that made her take Severus's hand again.

Severus's hands were cold, and his long, spindly fingers curled easily around her tiny hands. They mounted the dark, narrow staircase together, and then ducked into the first room to right. It was a barren room- modern in style, with only a white table, two black chairs, and a bed with white linens. A Jackson Pollock print hung in one corner, and heavy red curtains hung over the window.

Severus tossed the keys on the table and turned to Lily, his dark eyes so stormy that Lily took an involuntary step back.

"Lily, you're the one who left _me_." His voice was soft- almost breathless. He clutched his chest, as if nursing a deep wound. "I begged you for forgiveness, but you refused."

"I asked if you were joining you-know-who. I asked you to deny you were in with the death eaters. You refused."

"Was that an ultimatum?"

"Of course it was- on the dark lord's side as much as mine, I expect. You can't stay friends with a mudblood while you kill them for sport."

Severus sighed and sat down, hard, on one of the black chairs. "You chose too, you know. You chose Dumbledore and his lot instead of me. You knew that _they_ were after me and my friends. Are you happy with the life you've chosen, at least? Do you have what you want?"

"What I want doesn't matter," Lily whispered, still standing, gazing at Severus's bowed head- the greasy black hair hanging like a curtain over his eyes. She longed to brush the hair back, to look into the eyes again, to search for truth in the depths of his mind through them, but she stayed still.

Severus, as though he had read _her_ mind, looked up- his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"What you want is everything, Lily. Try it- try letting yourself have what you want. You'd be surprised how good it feels."

"Like you? Do you have what you want?"

"Not everything, but enough to be addicted to the sensation. I have power now. I have more magic than Hogwarts ever taught me. I have the power to take vengeance on the people who used to despise me. I have money to support myself. I've been able to protect you."

"You've protected me?" Now lily's pale eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Yes. I've done a lot in service of the dark lord, and in return, he's told every death eater that there is one muggleborn that they must not harm- not even so much as a tickling hex."

Severus stood again, and walked toward lily. He was tall- an almost elegant figure in his long black cloak. Lily stood still daring not to move, or even breathe, lest he go away again.

Severus was gazing into her eyes now- the black of night meeting the green of a spring day. She kept her occlumency barriers up, but there was no need. He was only looking at her; there was no assault.

"So what about you, Lily. What do you want?"

A few lines from the book, _Alchemical Advancements in the Fourteenth and Fifteenth Centuries, _came back to her mind.

_Nicolas Flamel created the philosopher's stone, a stone with the power to create infinite wealth and indefinite life. Subsequent to this discovery, the Goblin nation threatened war, fearing that the philosopher's stone would cause gold to become devalued. To avoid war, Nicholas hid the stone, and promised to never create another. In recent decades, Albus Dumbledore has attempted to persuade Flamel to destroy the remaining stone, citing ethical concerns toward radical life extension._

Her family, her parents, and recently, her best friend Mary, who had been killed to young, would never return to Lily. Now Severus was fighting in a war. Would he be next?

"Lily, what do you want?" he repeated. He was close, now. His voice was warm and husky in her ear.

"You. I want you, Sev." She reached up with trembling hands, and grabbed his face, pulling him closer until they were nose to nose.

"I want you, Sev," she repeated, and then pulled him into a kiss. Their lips touched, their bodies pressed together, and their breath mingled.

"Then I'm yours," Severus replied. He kissed her awkwardly, like a teenager, but Lily pulled him even closer still, deepening the kiss until they seemed one.

All of the doubt, all of the regret, and all of the pain began to fall away as Lily surrendered everything to her desires.

#

In a small room, behind a bar a world away, a woman's voice spoke in eerie, hollow tones.

"_The one is coming who will crack the stone,_

_ Conceived as the ninth month is born,_

_ The one who wields what the dark lord covets,_

_ And will bring the dark lord what he desires._

_ The world we know will perish, and be reborn."_


End file.
